Empathy

At my practicum school, I am helping out in kindergarten, where a huge portion of every day is dedicated to teaching empathy directly or indirectly, to some children more than others.  This is not to say that any of the children desperately need to be taught empathy, only that some have a harder time remembering or noticing when their actions or others’ actions cause pain or sadness. If I had to choose three of Michele Borba’s Nine Competencies for Teaching Empathy that my kindergarten teacher does well, I would choose thusly:

1. Moral Identity:  “A child’s inner value system, or moral identity, can inspire empathy…and motivate compassion.” In my class, we try and remind the kids daily that they need to notice how their actions make their classmates feel, good and bad, and we also know that as teachers, we need to do the same. I had a moment when we were practicing rhyming when I thought a child was making a joke, and so laughed. He was not, and was hurt. He reminded me that we were never suppossed to laugh when one of our friends made a mistake. I took his admonition to heart, because he was very right.
2. Practicing Kindness: “become more “we” oriented and less “me” oriented.” Kindergartners accidentally hurt each other one hundred times more than they do on purpose, and this is partly due to their developing ability to be empathetic. they are naturally, still learning. When one child accidentally pushes another, or takes a crayon another was using, we simply remind them to be aware of their surroundings and of their friends. When a child does something empathetic and kind, we acknowledge it with a heart. We write the kind action on the heart and put it up on a board. Last week, one boy accidentally spilled his friend’s yogurt while trying to help her open it. The girl hugged him and told him it was ok, because she knew he was trying to help. I can imagine only a few months ago that same girl being yet unable to recognize the intent behind another persons actions, and now she knows that it is ok when intent and result don’t always line up. We help the kids by acknowledging them when they practice kindness.
3. Moral Courage: “Mobilizing moral courage may be our best hope to stop cruelty and violence in schools.” Moral Courage is easy to instill in very small children, to a point where it can become tiresome, and we as adults have to remember to take it seriously. There is one child in particular in our class who speaks up every single time she sees an injustice being done. All the children are encouraged to do this, and they very often do. This girl, though, needs to let us know any time even the slightest action is displeasing to another child. How do you teach the difference between tattle-tailing and advocating? How do you tell a 5 year old that you really think two boys who are disagreeing over a Lego definitely do not need adult intervention, while also not discouraging her from speaking up if the disagreement leads to violence? This is a real thing I struggle with. As we encourage kids to end bullying, we also discourage them from learning how to defend themselves. I don’t know how to instill in kids that not every unkindness needs to be reported. Maybe we need to encourage them to stand up for each other to each other, without involving an adult. Tell them that adults are their back-up? That could lead to problems of its own though. Gee whiz. It’s almost as if these are issues spanning all of human history!

All quotations from Michele Borba, “Nine Competencies for Teaching Empathy.” The Promise of Social-Emotional Learning, issue of Educational Leadership, vol. 76, no. 2, 2018, pp. 22-28.